Blog #90: Birthday Pt. 2

If I had to pick one word to describe my twentieth year of life, it would be full.

As a general habit, I tend to cram too many things into too little time, and looking back at the past year, I'd have to say I really fit a lot in during those 365 days.

In the last year I squeezed in a lot of love— for myself, for others, for this Earth— and I'm lucky to have been on the receiving end of an absolute boatload of it too. Of course I'm feeling absolutely showered with love on my birthday, but in between spontaneous gifts and video chats and many many conversations over dinner, I've been shown a lot of love this past year. For this I am so grateful to the number of absolutely wonderful people I'm lucky enough to have in my life, and I'm also proud of myself for growing and tending to the seed of self-love I planted a number of birthdays ago.

In this past year I have also crammed in a considerable amount of traveling. Actually, if I sit down and do the math, I've spent just about exactly half of my twentieth year abroad. That's not to mention the adventures I was lucky enough to have in the States (hello Hawaii, Boston, and the World's Largest Popcorn Ball in some tiny town in Iowa whose name I can't remember), let alone the adventures of my day to day life (shout out to many house concerts, bad dates, dancing in the rain, kombucha dares, and the teaaaaa). The adventures of year twenty were seemingly limitless, but damn I'm especially grateful for the adventuring that happened in new places.

I gained incredibly special friendships in year twenty, strengthened some that I already had, and relished in the wonderful company that is my friends and family. All of the best meals I've eaten in my life were probably eaten in this past year. I have been to concerts and breweries and family holidays and so many political science classes and weddings and coffee shops and conferences and many many airports and I have slept on equally as many airport floors. I have had luxurious moments, and I have had countless more that were anything but luxurious. I have cut my own hair and dyed my own hair and also bleached the hair of the better half of the Morningside men's soccer team. The kombucha and La Croix and coffee I have consumed could each fill their own swimming pool. I have listened to thousands of hours of music.

Along with this, I have laughed, and often. I have cried, but not as often. Occasionally, I have laughed until I cried. I have made mistakes, and I have grown from them. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the world around me and the world inside of me and how they interact with each other and how I get to shape that. In the last 365 days, I have changed.

And it's not that I don't recognize Kailyn from a year ago, but I also recognize how different the two of us are from each other. I look at pictures from then and now and notice the clear visible differences, but I also see the many differences in my mind, and in my soul. Some of these discrepancies can be clearly defined, with a particularly memorable catalytic event which spurred that change in me. Others are devoid of definition, vague and indescribable but simply different. I'm grateful for the Kailyn that I was, I'm proud of the Kailyn that I am, and I'm excited for the Kailyn that will come. I have changed considerably in the last year, and I will continue to do so.

A birthday selfie from exactly a year ago, which is difficult even for me to believe.

And so, if I were to sum up year twenty in a word, it would be full. If I could use six, it would be 'full of love, adventure, and changes.' I'll also note that these are hypotheticals and nobody is actually limiting how many words I can use to describe my past year, which is a good thing because I spent the last 661 words doing just that.

Anyway, I'm grateful for a wonderful year, I'm grateful for the wonderful people who helped to make it so wonderful, and I'm grateful for the chance to have a wonderful new year ahead of me. Here's to more love, adventure, and change.

This is the most current birthday selfie of mine which exists.