Blog #54: Reading

To any friends back home who may read this post's title and think it is dedicated to Reading, the town, population 231, I'm sorry to inform you that this is not the case. I'm talking reading like books. Words on paper, folks. (And to anyone reading this who isn't from Kansas; yes, we have towns with populations of 231, or less. A lot of them.) Anyway, back to reading, the verb.

Anyone who knew me as a kid knows that I clearly preferred reading over social interaction. I walked while reading, I roller-bladed in my driveway while reading, and I "slept" while reading (thinking Mom would not see the glow of the flashlight under my sheets).

I sat during recess and read, and read while Mom was teaching Mariel how to cook (something I regret to this day). I read in restaurants and hair salons, at Grandma's house and in the car. When someone asked the title of my book, I never bothered to stop reading long enough to tell them. I'd simply raise it up, showing the cover to them, my eyes following along intently the entire time. I'm telling you... I read a lot.

Then, all of a sudden, I just didn't.

I'm not sure exactly what it was, or what really led me to quit my addiction, but I just stopped reading for fun as much. Once I got into high school, I didn't really read books for fun at all (trust me when I say that reading books for AR points took the fun out of it. Here's looking at you Mr. Gantenbein, Ms. Crane, and Ms. Gallagher. I thought of AR points in a bookstore today and got shivers down my spine!).

After starting college, reading for fun wasn't even a concept in my mind any more. I barely had time to read half of what was assigned each week for class, let alone the time to pick up a book for no reason other than the pure enjoyment of it.

This sucked.

Over the past six years or so, I have longed for the time and desire to read books as I used to, to experience the time warp of being sucked into a story and reading for hours without even realizing it.

Then I came to India!

Although I'm learning a lot in my classes, I simply don't have the workload that I have back home. This, plus the fact that I'm not trying to run three clubs, and be a contributing member to four more, has allowed me stretches of free time I honestly thought I would never experience again in my life, except maybe after retirement. I've got a while to go before I turn 67, but at the rate I was going, I probably wouldn't make it that far anyway.

The thing is, my time is still filled here in India, but it's filled with so many different things. In a single day, I can go to the gym, go to class, volunteer, cook a meal and eat with friends, play the ukulele, write a blog, and spend time reading. I love all of these things!!

Even when I would find the time during past semesters to spend 30 minutes with the uke or go to the gym, it was always tainted by a feeling of guilt. There was always a more pressing matter to attend to, a meeting I forgot or a reading for class I skipped. These activities, which should be relaxing and help me decompress, ended up only adding more stress and anxiety to my already heaping portions.

Now, I am reveling in the amount of time I get to spend reading or pursuing other hobbies. I have hobbies again! Both intentionally and unintentionally, my time in India has been a time to live a simpler lifestyle, to discover what I can do with my time when I'm not filling every waking moment, and then some, with resumé builders.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to go back to my old lifestyle, and I think that's the point.

Although there are certainly things I can't avoid when I get back home, like working and applying for law/grad schools, there are also certainly a number of things I can, and should, say no to. I owe it to myself to create time and space for myself outside of my obligations. And, despite the craziness that living in India is, I have felt more at ease over the past couple of months than I have in years. Oddly enough, even though I am 'doing' much less, I feel much more productive, and much more fulfilled here.

It turns out, empty accomplishments for the sake of getting into a 'good' grad school don't actually make me feel good! Spending time learning and growing as a person, connecting with other people through music and dance and food, and enjoying hobbies like reading and writing do! What a concept.

This way of life is just something I can't give up entirely once I get back. Finding the right balance between 'real-life' obligations and those that I should actually say no to will be tough, but working on that is something I've been able to fit into my schedule here too. As is everything, it's a process. I'm just glad India has showed me it's a process that is worth pursuing, that it has showed me how fulfilling it can be to have a clear mind unobstructed by dozens of obligations.

Anyway, I've read some good books here, and I'm reallyyyy looking forward to reading more. I'm just grateful I can read into the night as long as I want without Mom taking my flashlight away.

P.S. A major shoutout to everyone here who is letting me borrow books! I've already bought too many here and my suitcase is only so big.