Blog #47: Spring Break

I've been through about a dozen spring break plans. Different groups of friends, different locations, different vibes, you name it. I've gotten right up to the point of hitting the "book now" button a few times, but never followed through.

All of the plans felt right for about 24 hours or less. Then they just... didn't.

Each trip just wasn't worth the money, wouldn't work out time-wise, felt a little off, etc.

In spite of this, we kept pushing ahead, trying to find the perfect trip, and as soon as possible. I literally said "Okay, but we really have to HAVE TO book this tomorrow," nearly every day for about two weeks.

Yet, we never booked anything. And I dreaded each planning session, was filled with anxiety every time we tried to figure something out.

As a busy weekend came and went, we stopped trying to make plans together. Then, without much discussion amongst ourselves, everyone's mindset sort of shifted.

Pretty soon, everyone was looking at solo travel plans.

There was never any bitterness or pettiness involved, no resentment toward the fact that we just couldn't manage to book a solid trip trip together. Instead, there was understanding that every individual needed something a little different, and that was okay.

As I began finding my own spring break plans, I realized that I had fallen into the trap of my ego-oriented mind, and had been focusing on finding a trip that would 'wow' other people, that would make me look cool. I was so focused on this that I had forgotten to find something that was actually good for me, something that I genuinely wanted. I sincerely think that this is why plans never worked out— I was too busy focusing on others' perception of me that I couldn't focus on myself and what I truly need.

It's no surprise that nothing ever felt right.

After spending a frustrating hour and a half yesterday searching for 3-day dance intensives, trekking retreats, and more, I finally found a trip that sparked my interest. For the first time in the entirety of trying to make spring break plans, I was genuinely excited about this prospect. I was eager to make this plan work, rather than feeling dread and obligation about it.

It just felt right.

Now, everything is booked, and my distress about spring break has been relieved. I'm filled with excitement, not anxiety.

A part of me knows that this short trip is something that I will remember for the rest of my life. It will change me in some way.

And, since I let my ego rule me during this process, and I regret that, only a select few people know about my spring break plans. I'm sure you'll know at some point because of the whole 'writing one blog post every single day thing', but for now, these plans are a secret, because they are important to me regardless of what anyone else thinks about them.

(This isn't to say that a part of me isn't excited to eventually tell other people about this trip, because it is pretty cool, but at least for now, I'm trying my best to not feed my own ego.)

So, I'm very excited about my solo spring break trip, and in a way I'm grateful for the anxiety and lack of commitment in the past couple of weeks that led me to this point. I'm ready for some fulfilling solo travel.