Blog #40: Dining Alone

Why is eating alone such a weird thing to do? We all have to eat, and it doesn’t really make sense that we should or could eat every single meal in the presence of other people. Yet, doing this alone in public is seen as embarrassing, and is typically avoided at all costs.

Growing up, my mom used to take herself out to eat, take herself to movies, etc. As a kid, I was always confused why she would willingly forego the company of others when going to restaurants and theatres. It seemed lonely to me… kind of humiliating.

Now, I love going out to eat by myself. I’ve always enjoyed spending time with myself, but only really started doing this in public spaces once I started college. The 5+ hour drive between home and Morningside has always been great “me time,” and my favorite thing to do is stop for a nice dinner by myself on my way. It’s a great way to really savor a meal, and the perfect opportunity for people-watching.

Despite how much I love it, I still hesitate going for a nice meal on my own. It’s not that I would feel lonely, but it’s that I fear other people will think I’m lonely. And wouldn’t that be embarrassing?

Because of this fear, I’ve had to basically train myself to feel comfortable out on my own. Incidents like the one I blogged about a week ago (i.e. creepy guys) can make it even more difficult to feel at ease going out alone. Rather than enjoying my meal, I often want to bury my face in my phone and snarf down my food as fast as I can in order to get in and out in a hurry without drawing attention. This takes the fun out of it!

So, tonight, since my last solo dinner plans got cancelled due to an unfortunate number of encounters with creepy guys, I decided to take myself out for dinner and make up for it. Although I was hesitant, for all the reasons listed above, I wanted some thali, and I wanted to eat it alone.

I called an Uber, shared my ride with friends and let them know my plans, and was off to have dinner by myself. There was still a part of me that was scared about being embarrassed about eating alone in a nice restaurant, and of course a part of me that was afraid of the dangers of existing as a woman alone in public, especially at night. In spite of this, I refuse to let fear control my life, and I still owed myself a dinner from the last time I wasn’t able to have it. So, off I went.

My Uber driver was great, I arrived at the restaurant in under ten minutes, and immediately food was being placed in front of me. From the moment I walked in until the moment I left, dal, roti, rice, poori, curries, and more were fervently being offered to me. As much as I wanted to keep eating, and as much as I hated saying no to more roti, I was stuffed to the brim in less than 25 minutes. Sincerely, I think I ate my weight in dal.

Before entering the restaurant, I challenged myself to not look at my phone the whole time I was there. Although there were moments where I felt awkward being alone, and I instinctively wanted to reach for my phone to check my Instagram or WhatsApp, I instead just sat and observed my surroundings. The ornate design on the ceiling, the young girl with the green sippy cup eating from her mother’s hand sitting in the booth across from me, the man only a few years older than me bouncing his knee as he waited anxiously for what I assume was a date. The pink and black uniforms of the servers, the all-male restaurant staff, the numerous shades of orange, yellow, and red that filled my plate. All of these things and more flooded my senses in a way that I think is truly only experienced when dining alone. No distractions, no conversations to focus on, simply the food and the surrounding atmosphere. After not having done this in a while, it was something I didn’t realize I missed.

I now plan on celebrating Thali Tuesday every week, regardless of whether or not anyone cares to join me. The food and the company (or the lack thereof) is too good to pass up! And, since people have always said I’m strikingly similar to my mom, we’ll just add ‘enjoys dining alone’ to the long list of attributes we share. Just like I’m not upset about eating alone, I’m not upset about that either.

Happy Thali Tuesday!