Blog #34: Feels

One weird thing about writing a blog every day while here in India is that I feel like I am limited in what I can, or should, say. On one hand, if I am constantly talking about how great of an experience this is, I fear I will come off as boastful or unaware of my privilege. On the other hand, I fear this then leads to me focusing too much on any negative aspects of my trip in an attempt to not “rub it in.” While I don’t think I should just continually brag about my experiences, again, especially without recognizing the privilege that has allowed me them, I also don’t think I should stifle my own joy in order to appease others.

I’m very lucky to live the life I live, and I enjoy it. My time in India has been filled with amazing experiences and people and food and memories that I have found joy in. And, rather than try to suppress that joy, I am going to live in it and eek everything out of it. I am going to express my joy to others, as doing anything else would be an injustice to this experience I am so lucky and grateful to have.

In reality, writing about my experiences— my life— would be wholly inaccurate if I didn’t include both the best and the worst of what’s happening. I could try to keep my writing within the confines of happy but not too celebratory, introspective but not too melancholy, real but not too real. Or… I could just be honest about what I’ve experienced, what I know and what I don’t know, how I feel. This blog has been a tool for me to process my own thoughts and feelings, and that sort of processing necessitates honesty. So… I’ll once again stop worrying about how I think I should feel, and go on experiencing what I actually do feel.