Blog #334: Thoughts on 2020

It's a whole new decade.

Part of me loves this opportunity of a "new beginning," a time to create new goals and start fresh.

The other part of me just feels like... well... if it weren't for the Gregorian calendar we all base our lives on, this new day/year/decade wouldn't even exist, let alone be anything considered significant. Today's just another day.

As could probably be expected, (do I ever come to concise conclusions?) I think there is value in both of these mindsets.

First of all, I think time spent reflecting is never wasted. The arbitrary "new beginning" we all so vehemently pursue is really just a means of spurring reflection, a comprehensible and symbolic starting point for us to try implementing new patterns in our lives. The seemingly concrete nature of a new year gives us a reason to reflect on how we live, how we want to live, and how we can start living in that new way.

Even if it's arbitrary, the new year is an opportunity for introspection, a time for self-analysis. This is invaluable.

That said, it is just another day. I don't need to wait until midnight on December 31 to start living better or being a better version of myself. If I want to make those changes, I should put forth the effort to do so at any point.

Additionally, the hype surrounding the New Year, for lack of a better word, can lead to a lot of pressure, guilt, and shame. We set often unrealistic goals (resolutions) for ourselves, as if entering a new year will somehow increase our determination, self-discipline, and abilities. When we fail to meet our unrealistic and/or immeasurable goals (i.e. stop eating sugar, be happier), we feel like we've failed ourselves. Then we wait until the next year to try again.

That's dumb. This is a day like all other days. We can make realistic changes on any of these days.

So, that being said, I recommend everyone take the time for some reflection- not solely about changes you want to make, but about the things you were most grateful for last year, the people who meant the most to you, the moments you felt the most proud/vulnerable/joyous/alive. Reflect on the amazing things you did, even if they're as simple as keeping yourself alive through another year or eating more veggies. Reflect on the many learning experiences you've had, and remember what you've learned.

And sure, set a couple New Year's resolutions. Call them intentions or goals or plans or aspirations or resolutions or wishes or whatever you want, but make them truly meaningful and possible. Assess why you want to pursue those intentions, and if they truly will serve you and your heart, do them. Don't make resolutions to appease societal standards. Make resolutions to improve your life.

Personally, one of my resolutions is to be more vulnerable. I just watched a speech by Brené Brown today with my ladies, and she discussed the importance of vulnerability in living a full life. Though I've gotten better at this over the years, being very private and closed off is what comes naturally to me, and I feel I've been reverting back to this since returning from India. It's like I spent five months being more vulnerable than I've ever been, then I rebounded back into being more closed off than I've been in a long time. This has been true not just with others, but with myself. I hardly take the time for meaningful self reflection, and it has left me feeling detached from others and from my own self.

So, in 2020, I want to practice more vulnerability. It will be a crazy year- from graduating college to moving somewhere and transitioning to doing whatever the heck I end up doing- and being vulnerable is simply going to be an ingredient in all of these experiences, without option. I can choose to embrace that vulnerability and ride those waves, or try, in vain, to fend it off and likely be pulled under by forced vulnerability I wasn't prepared for. In 2020, I want to embrace.