Blog #230: Another Haircut!

A haircut is so much more than a haircut. Among other things, a hairstyle is an outward expression of oneself, a way a person can convey their identity without having to say a single word. Sometimes haircuts can be revolutionary— from Mulan to the age-old "breakup haircut"— and sometimes they are simply mundane.

Choosing a new hairstyle and getting it cut can be emotional, and comes with varying levels of consideration. Most of the time, I cut my hair pretty impulsively. I've been liable to find a salon at a moment's notice and ask any person with scissors to cut off a few inches. Heck, I even cut my own bangs when there were no salons open at midnight.

That said, I've been considering doing "the chop" for, well, years now.

I've always wanted to try short hair, but every time I felt impulsive enough to go get a haircut, I didn't feel like it was the right moment to go all the way. My thoughts were usually that I hadn't planned enough ahead, or that I hadn't given it enough consideration. It's a major change, after all!

Year after year, haircut after haircut, I kept stopping myself from getting the one cut I really wanted, and was subsequently unhappy with every hairstyle I ever had. I made up excuses for myself as to why I wouldn't go through with the chop, but it really came down to one thing: I was scared of what people would think.

Sure, the fear of my hair looking horrible was mortifying, but honestly, I was way more scared about what people would say. I knew they'd wonder why I did it— did I go through a breakup? was I gay? did I think this would actually look good? was I trying to prove I'm a man-hating feminist?— and even though I don't owe anyone an answer to these judgmental and stereotype-assuming questions, it was still something I didn't want to go through.

Truth be told, I would have rather had a "normal" haircut than face ridicule from others.

Then, today, Ally got a haircut. She was just trimming and sharpening up the cut she already has, but she told me she finally found a stylist who "actually knows how to cut short hair." That was all I needed to hear.

I booked an appointment for two hours later, when I had just enough time to squeeze in a cut between class and lacrosse practice. (Of course, this was only after consulting Ally, our friend Riley, my Mom, my brother Jolson, and my sister Mariel.) Ally told me she wasn't nervous at all when she cut her hair short the first time, but we can't all be as nonchalantly cool as she is, so my stomach was doing somersaults.

With a queasy stomach and the nervous— or humid— sweats, I hurriedly walked into the salon before I could change my mind. With a squeaky voice I told the stylist what I wanted, then I just let her get to work. She was very reassuring the entire time, which I appreciated, but I was so nervous I think I only breathed four times throughout the one and a half hour cut. I barely looked in the mirror when she was finished; I couldn't be late to practice. Now that I've spent a significant amount of time looking in the mirror, I must say I'm quite a fan.

In the end, there were a number of specific factors that led to me finally biting the bullet, such as my desire for short and easy hair for lacrosse and the fact that there was an affordable hairdresser Ally actually approved of. Still, I think the reality of it is just that I was tired of waiting. I've let too many years pass while I worried about what others would think or say, but I'm done with that.

I'm still nervous about the reactions I'll get from people, because I know they won't all be positive. (The "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" rule was apparently not taught to everyone...) I've already gotten a number of comments about my hair, and truth be told, I just don't even want that much attention, good or bad. It weirds me out a little bit! Still, I'm done worrying about it.

If people really have nothing better to talk about than the haircut I decided to get, so be it. I have more important things to focus on. And, in the more likely case that others won't give one flying hoot about whether or not I cut my hair, well, there's nothing to worry about.

I'm really excited for this new cut, and with it, the new identity I finally get to show to the world. This haircut feels more like me than any other I've ever had, so I'm just going to enjoy rocking it for a while.

This photo was taken after a sweaty lacrosse practice, and I still think my hair looks good!