Blog #220: Stress Crying
- Kailyn Robert
- Sep 10, 2019
- 2 min read
I've cried a lot in the past couple of weeks.
No, I haven't been exceptionally sad, nor exceptionally happy either. I've been... stressed.
Now, let me be clear. This semester has actually been pretty laid back so far. I don't have a really heavy course load, and most of my classes aren't very work-intensive. The stress I'm feeling is triggered less by day-to-day tasks, but instead is a bit more existential.
Being a senior in college is weird, especially when you throw all your plans you've had since middle school out the window. (Bye, law school.) It's like I've done all the work and I'm reaching the end of the race, but all of a sudden there's a big cliff right at the finish line I'm running toward. I'm excited to graduate, but I also have no idea what my life will look after that. It's a vast unknown.
And I say it all the time and I've probably written half my blog posts about trusting that things will work out (because either things work out or you die), but still, it's hard in the moment. More than anything, it's stressful and frustrating, and that makes me cry.
I've cried in my advisors' offices and on the phone with my mom and on FaceTime with my sister and in the library and some bathrooms and also a lacrosse team meeting. Many people on campus have probably seen me cry lately. Maybe I should make a sign that says "I'm not sad I'm just confused" so they don't feel inclined to awkwardly comfort me.
The truth is that I really don't need comforted. This isn't an issue that can be helped by that, nor do I want it to be. As tough as it is, my mom correctly reminded me that this is a necessary part of the process. Allowing myself to live in this uncertainty for a while will only ensure I'm in tune with myself, and will eventually lead to the "right path," whatever that means.
So, readers be warned; if you ask me about my future plans, I may begin uncontrollably crying. Don't worry, I'm just stressed, but I'll make it through.
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