Blog #202: Anxiety

**I will preface this with noting that I have not been medically diagnosed with anxiety. Although its presence in my family tree is not promising, I am in no way attempting to claim to have a diagnosis or to belittle the struggles of those who do.**

**Image by @ilex_opaca on Instagram**

I'm a senior and that's stressing me out! In general, being in school stresses me out and puts me in a state of seemingly relentless anxiety; I feel that there are always assignments and expectations and meetings and my future looming over my head. Now that I'm a senior, this has only intensified, so here's a list of things that are currently giving me anxiety. (If you're currently feeling anxious, I don't recommend reading any further.)

1. My class schedule- I'm only enrolled in 12 credit hours, which I feel like isn't enough. Am I missing out on a necessary or "fun" class that I should be taking? What if I find that class after it's too late to change my schedule?

2. Graduation- I have no idea if I'm on track to actually graduate with three majors, but my constant fear is that I've messed everything up and will end up not being able to graduate at all.

3. Graduation cords- This is a petty one but I've been really involved during my time at Morningside and I want my cords at graduation to show it, but what if I missed a minor requirement to get them??

4. Post-graduation plans- Do I even need to explain this one?

5. Post-graduation plans- Okay I'll explain this one. Now that I've eliminated grad/law school from my immediate plans after graduation, I need to figure out what I'm going to do instead. Will I try to find a job immediately? Should I take a year off to travel and then apply to grad schools?

6. Post-graduation plans- This is a big one, okay? I plan on applying for fellowships and certain scholarship programs for after graduation, but what if I'm a horrible candidate and I don't get accepted to any and then I have to start my plans again from scratch?

7. Climate change- Our planet is dying and there's only so much I can do about it and that is really frustrating and scary all of the time.

8. Imposter syndrome- I'm hyper-aware of imposter syndrome, yet I know I'm still probably suffering from it. I feel totally unqualified to be a senior writing a final thesis and starting life in the "real world." I feel unqualified for everything in general.

9. Money- Traipsing around the world is fun and all, but it also takes money. I need more money.

10. My schedule- I want to balance everything and live a highly productive life but also I'm scared I'm just cramming my schedule too full and not taking more important things into consideration.

11. My youngest brother is growing up without me and I have no idea what he's up to and there's no way I can make up for my being gone with interactions through technology so he's just spending his formative years without me and I hate that and it makes me feel anxious.

12. Humidity- I am not trying to let mold grow in this apartment again, but I can only empty this dehumidifier so many times.

Okay to be honest the list could go on but I'll stop it here. Sometimes I feel better just letting out everything that's stressing me out, and looking at a physical list of my anxiety-inducers actually helps me feel better too. They're less anxiety-inducing when they're in a clean, enumerated format. In my head they're like a maze of string and cloudiness and confusion. To be honest I don't have a lot more to say on this subject for now... I'm anxious but I'm okay.

Anyway, reduce, reuse, recycle, my friends.

This is not a real threat but I saw this cartoon by @ilex_opaca on Instagram and found it kind of funny.