Blog #189: Where do I Live?

Today was my last day in Chicago, and it just got me thinking about how this stage of my life is already over. To me, every place I go constitutes a stage or phase of my life. And I guess I shouldn't say every place I go because I've been to many places and not all of them were substantial enough experiences to gain that title, but I suppose all of the places I've lived.

And I've struggled with this definition of "living" somewhere, as I've lived a somewhat nomadic lifestyle the past few years, but I've kind of come up with a personal definition of living somewhere as any place I've worked or studied. So even though I was only in Guatemala for a month, I say that I lived there because I was studying there. I made a life there and could return to it.

I also lived in India, because I was there for over four months, and I was studying there. Again, I made a life there, and I could return to it.

So, by that definition, I've lived in Osage City (Kansas), Sioux City (Iowa), Antigua (Guatemala), Bangalore (India), and Chicago (Illinois) so far in my 21 years of life. I don't know if it's just me, but that feels like... a lot. Lately especially I've been feeling very nomadic and unsettled, probably because I'm moving back to Iowa soon, which will be the fourth place I've "lived" this year.

Part of me really likes this. It's fun and exciting to see new places and experience new cultures. I feel cool and mysterious telling people "I don't really stay in one place for long."

But also, it's difficult. Not staying in one place for long means not a lot of time to connect with people, whether they are new friends or old. It means the physical process of moving, which is cumbersome and exhausting, especially when done over and over in a short amount of time.

Also, it's weird just to not really have a place of permanence. Like whenever people ask me for my address here, I freak out for a second because I have no idea what to say. I always resort back to my Osage City address, even though I spend relatively very little time there at this point.

So... I don't really know how I feel about all this. Am I ready to settle down and make a permanent home somewhere? Absolutely not. No freaking way. But still, there's a small part of me that longs for that, and until I find a sense of permanence again, I think that longing will stay.