Blog #136: I'm Old

You guys... I'm old.

Now I know that a decent percentage of the people reading this (my demographic being mostly just Ally and Mom, so at least 50% of them) will say that I'm not old, I'm young! And yes, that's true. I'm pretty young.

But also... I'm kind of old.

Mariel kept telling me last semester that she felt old when she thought about me and the things I was doing around the world, and I was like "dude... you're only 23, you're so young." She insisted that she felt older than she had anticipated she would, and I simply didn't comprehend it.

That was, until I moved in with Jolson.

In general, I feel older when I'm around Jolson. He's my little brother, so for eighteen years now I've been asserting my age-dominance over him. But, when he interacts with the 15 and 17-year old kids in the family we're staying with, I age at the speed of light.

First of all, they speak a different language. Virtually all of their conversations are references to memes, vines, or other internet phenomena that I am apparently not in tune with. I can't follow their conversations, let alone be a part of them. (I'm serious- I think my Spanish is better than my American Teen lingo).

Secondly, and no offense to Jolson (not that 1. He'll ever read this anyway, or 2. I wouldn't say this to his face), but he's a bit of a mess. And of course not every eighteen year old is as oblivious as he, but the way he doesn't think things through just astonishes me. For example, tonight while I was busy laying out an outfit, packing my bag, packing my lunch, and getting every last thing in order for my first day of work, I asked him what his plans were for tomorrow. His response was an annoyed grunt, followed by "I'm going to Olive Garden to get transferred there." I asked him how he planned on getting there, considering the fact that Mr. C (AKA "Uncle Marek", AKA "Grandpa") and I, the only two adults in the house, would both be at work with our cars, leaving him with no transportation for the five mile journey. His response? "I don't know dude I'll figure it out tomorrow, God!" So... yeah. He's not a planner, and I kind of have to be his mom in a lot of ways. I guess that would make anyone feel old.

Third, I just find different things fun now. I brought ten books with me to read while here, something that shocked Jolson. While the kids played foosball today (notice how I'm calling these teenagers kids), I prepared a meal and packed my lunch for tomorrow, something I found enjoyable. On Mr. C's town tour I was most interested in the hiking trails and nature preserves, which the teenagers couldn't have cared less about.

When everyone is together, I find myself relating to Mr. C more than I do the kids. Hell, I can legally drink in the United States now! In that vein, I'm interested in craft beers and wine tastings! And maybe I'm just growing up, but wow... I feel old.

And I realize I'm not super old yet, but I can tell this is the beginning. Like, if I wanted to be "in tune" with the internet trends and be able to follow the teenager conversations, I would know how to do it. I could easily get on Instagram and find a couple meme pages and in an hour of wasted time be able to have a conversation with the kids. But also, I'm just not really interested in doing that.

So no, maybe I'm not old yet, but I think I've clearly begun the transition. Before I know it, I won't be able to understand anything the youths are doing, even if I really want to. I'm only going to become less and less in touch with internet trends.

I will say, this freaks me out a little bit. Realizing that youth is fleeting and I'll never be a 'dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen' again is a little... aggh! It can be weird and unsettling to think about.

That said, I also don't mind it. The things that make me feel young- dancing with friends, traveling the world, meeting new people, learning new things, acting goofy- they're all things I can continue for the rest of my life. If I want to go out for drinks and dancing with my girlfriends when I'm 65, then I'm going to go out for drinks and dancing with my girlfriends! If I want to act goofy and make a fool of myself in public when I'm 43, then I will.

Along with that, the things that are making me feel "old" are things that I like. Sometimes I feel better planning ahead. Cooking nice meals and taking care of myself are acts I think are worth appreciating. Growing and understanding more things, and finding an even bigger appreciation for my family and close friends... these are incredibly valuable aspects of getting older.

When it comes down to it, I think that everyone still has the ability, and the craving, to be young at heart. As we get older, we just get better at doing this while simultaneously taking better care of ourselves and others. In my opinion, that's not a bad compromise. I'm not that interested in internet phenomena anyway.

*All of this talk about "growing up" and "getting old" have reminded me of a beautiful Maya Angelou quote from her book, "Letter to My Daughter." This quote was shown to me by one of Maya's biggest fans, my good friend Mary Alice, whom I love and miss dearly. One part of growing up is having friends who live much farther than one block away, and although it's difficult in many ways, I wouldn't trade my long-distance friendship with MA for anything. Love you dude!*

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~ Maya Angelou

A comparison of mine and Jolson's lunch, or an adult's and a teenager's lunch.